sometimes i might just want to be downright serious

the following are true facts on my feelings today aka another meant-to-be 💩show. it’s tragic that i will never be articulate enough on what i thought made sense in my brain and when it comes to unraveling it in honest clearcut cogent words it almost never makes sense. i will always be this borderline awkward kid of ultimate ambiguity who can’t explain anything from the mouth. its sad that nothing makes sense anymore. but maybe writing will help. visual language was never fucking easy anyways. not that writing was any easier. sometimes i empathize on the deepest level with memes more than anything…….!!

I’m still trying to come to terms with everything and it’s truly tragic that i can’t even build anything concrete but merely throw pathetic blobs of shit at things in the most miserable attempt to construct and/or mend the whole where one slight blow would actually make everything come t,t,t,tumbling down. the other day I tried to put in words this simple imagery for kelsey about me trying to build a website with a sad yet tolerable end result. but I got stuck and i felt slightly let down by myself having a hard time more and more explaining things.

so it’s tragic that that i can’t talk to my mom about the anger and rage that i feel about shit happening in the cosmos that clearly matters to me so much yet i am so horribly bad at explaining it. not that it would actually change my mom’s thoughts if i were any better. i’m afraid there will never come a day she will catch a glimpse at the kind of frustration coming from the privileged enlightenment she worked her ass off to give to me. and I might just annoy her for another good amount of time like forever? and this is why i never want to have kids b/c i have no courage to sacrifice myself for a replica of myself.. or anyone. I could make love to my replica though.

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